Waiting. The calling card of infertility. You always wait. Wait for appointments. Wait for results. Wait for a positive report. Wait for the paperwork to be completed. Wait.
When you’ve done all you can do and the promise still has not come. When the silence of an unfulfilled dream, (regardless of what it is) mocks at you from the corners of your everyday responsibilities and you feel your heart is breaking at every passing day. Questions surround you in the quiet moments of those 3:00 a.m. wide awake times.
How do you find the resolution in those times of extended hoping and waiting? How do you find God’s peace and trust Him to find you when your way seems lost?
It took a long time of waiting for me to discover the fine art of not attempting to control God when your life feels out of control. I have found that being able to journal my sometimes desperate prayers, God’s voice emerges through those pages of pain.
A scripture that has meant much to many reads: “I waited patiently for the Lord. He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit. he set my feet upon a rock. He put a new song in my mouth.” Psalm 40:1
I did not wait patiently. Oh how I wish I had waited patiently, but I didn’t. I came kicking and screaming in a process of change through complete surrender. I finally could say “yes” to His way. I’m so glad. My story is not in the fact of what I did, but what He did. I found my biggest hurdle in my faith was my unbelief. I finally realized God wanted to remove that mountain. To believe on Jesus and what He did and what God already provided for me.
The pressure I had, was to somehow find a way to conceive or receive a child. The brought me such intense emotional pain I’d ever known. I worked very hard, even when the medical system could do nothing for me. I felt that if I convinced God to heal me…. I could finally qualify to be a mother.
God my Father gently wooed me to Himself, showing me how much love He has for me. I entered in my journal: God accepts me, just as I am “as is” Once created new and shiny, I had felt that I was a cast off second-hand piece at a charity shop. God in His delight purchased me at the original value price. He purchased me through Jesus. I don’t have to work so hard to be accepted or approved of. No more condemnation or fear… filled only with warmth, love and peace.
What about you my friend? God loves you and is not concerned so much about your progress as He is drawing you to Himself in the process of becoming like Jesus. Love is such a powerful force. The Bible illustrates how Love (who is God) turns the table on every negative in your life. Love enters when the heart aches to be loved.
God is drawn and responds to the person who calls on His name. Give your heart to Jesus. Turn from the sin of not believing in Jesus. Turn away from anything you are doing wrong by the standards of the Word of God, (the Bible). Accept Jesus as your Lord, Savior and Director of your Life. Be reinvented by God’s Spirit. He is waiting for you!
“And therefore the Lord (earnestly) waits (expecting, looking and longing) to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who (earnestly) wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him (for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship). Isaiah 30:18 Amplified
Hopelessness and loss are the common companions of infertility. All infertile couples long for resolution, for one more glimpse of hope, but hope fades with each attempt to conceive a child.
Paula’s story offers hope where there seems to be only waiting, pain and frustration. This is a testimony of the relentless faithfulness of God to heal the broken-hearted in surrender to His ultimate plan. Paula’s challenge was to learn that her resolution had been there all along.
Paula’s Book EMPTY HANDS TO OPEN ARMS: From infertility to possibility is available at all Christian bookstores, Christian book.com, Amazon.com, Chapters/Indigo and Kobo, Kindle and Apple E-readers.