Archive | April 2016

God’s love sings!

“The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One will save.  he will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”  Zephaniah 3:17

heart love

On those days when I didn’t think I could manage anymore.  When it felt that my heart’s hope would never come.  When all I could do was cry and pray.

Journal excerpt:  January 25

“Heavenly Father, You are my hero who helps me.  You are so powerful, even when I am so weak, I don’t think I can carry on.  Your strong arm delivers me from this distress. From my fears of never holding a little one, from the the fear that I will never be content without a child to care for.  That I will be alone.  You have come to bring me life where I am abundantly satisfied.  You rejoice when you see me.  You are glad to be around me.  You are so happy, You sing.  Wrap your arms around my grieving heart.  I’m celebrating Your great love for me.”

“My precious one.  I think of you and it makes My heart glad when you spend time with Me.  I’m happy to overflow My love for you in a tangible way.  My Spirit kisses you with gentle peace, warmth of heart and love and then I sing.  I sing sweet songs of love and deliverance to restore your soul, give you rest and embrace My love.  I can do it all in a moment.  Never doubt My deep love for you My child, My daughter.  It is with loving hands that I formed you and watched you grow.  I have always had a plan for you in mind.  I sent My Son, Jesus so I could draw you to Him.  Then you gave your life to Me.”

These were the moments when I found God’s comfort that would speak to me.  I would sit for an hour or more and write my frustrations and fears.  Music formed the background of what God’s word would say to me and I’d find rest there.  I’d cease the tears and my heart and emotions would calm.  Thank you Lord.

 

empty hand to open arms ebook (1) for Facebook, etc   www.emptyhandsopenarms.com  and available through Word Alive Press and wherever fine Christian books are sold.

Hopelessness and loss are common companions of infertility.  Paula describes the loss of a child she conceived only in her imagination.  She illuminates her struggle in persuading God to grant her greatest wish.  ISBN:  978-1-4866-1156-0

 

 

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Getting a ‘Yoke’ exchange

“Come to Me all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your soul.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”  Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30)

butterfly

Living with the burden of infertility over the years I had to come to learn how to set that burden down.  It wasn’t easy.  This conversation of letting go became a re-occurring theme in my times of prayer.

January 22

“Lord I’ve been walking in a mentality of works.  I’ve been trying to make things happen in finding the resolution to so desperately wanting a child.  It has only brought me to a place of labour, frustration and grief.  It is a heavy burden Lord and yet how wonderful it is to cast all of that off and have an exchange of the heavy yoke I’ve been carrying and take on Yours.  You are leading me Lord and you have lead me and are walking at my pace.  I’m not a disappointment to You.  Your burden is light because I’m already pleasing to You Lord.  I cannot move ahead or fall behind.  In Your eyes I’m in perfect step with You.”

Legalistic works, do’s, don’ts and attempts to clean up my act or ‘do it perfectly’ is cheating myself of being abundantly satisfied. I am learning that in Him, not outside of Him in my own efforts to please, thinking that it is pleasing to Him, I am already was pleasing to God.

“My daughter in Me there is peace.  I’ve given you the peace I have.  I want you to live out of that place of rest in the fellowship of knowing Me and My presence in  your life. When I said to seek first My kingdom and My righteousness and all things will be added to you, I included all of those desires you’ve been seeking for too.  My yoke is easy, not hard, or stress filled.  You qualified when you accepted me as Lord and Savior.” God.

empty hand to open arms ebook (1) for Facebook, etc   www.emptyhandsopenarms.com  and available through Word Alive Press and wherever fine Christian books are sold.

Hopelessness and loss are common companions of infertility.  Paula describes the loss of a child she conceived only in her imagination.  She illuminates her struggle in persuading God to grant her greatest wish.  ISBN:  978-1-4866-1156-0

 

 

Finding Freedom in God’s Open Arms

prayer

 

These are excerpts from a hurting heart as I collected in my journal.  I have wondered if possibly, quite possibly there may be one person or more that may benefit from the encouragement God had given me in the year preceding my ultimate resolution of infertility for my husband and I.  This and other postings to come reveal my heart hunger to have God answer my struggle, not just to be free, but to find a peace for my life. As I look back on those pages I am amazed at what the Lord has done for me.  This is His story of healing a broken heart, one prayer at a time.

January 5

Dear Heavenly Father,

“Freedom.  I’m looking for it.  I’m certainly not going to try harder to find it.  I’ve come to a simple place where I’ve come between ‘try harder’ and ‘give up’.  In many ways I have given up.  A surrender, perhaps, I cannot do it or make freedom happen.  I’ve looked for it and made myself look really good in effort to have it.  In order to please You and to be a pleasure.  I’m finding that’s not working for me.  So I have stopped.  I am looking for you Lord.  Only You.  Not some answer to prayer or for a miracle child that I cannot produce.  Only You.”

The dark cloud of doubt fogs my heart.  I am doing a cognitive battle with how God answers our prayers.  Is it through sovereignty of God or moved by the prayer of faith? Prayers that go unanswered are the ones that go unasked.  I cannot judge God’s faithfulness based on my own presumption of time.  In God’s own wisdom He answers in the timing of His will as He sees all.

Barren Hannah of the Bible came yearly to the house of the Lord, wept often and did not eat due to her own infertility and the provocation of her sister, second wife to her husband.  We are not told how old she was or how many times Hannah wept and prayed. Perhaps this was Hannah’s first time praying to God.  I think not.  Perhaps God was simply waiting for this moment to intervene with encouragement from the Eli the High Priest that day.  We don’t know.

Scripture describes her journey in asking:

1 Samuel verse 10:  And she (Hannah) was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the Lord and wept in anguish.

1 Samuel verse 12:  …as she continued praying before the Lord, Eli watched her…

1 Samuel verse 17:  …Eli answered and said, “Go in peace and the God of Israel grant your petition which you have asked of Him.”

1 Samuel verse 20:  So it came to pass in the process of time that Hannah conceived and bore a son and called his name Samuel (meaning heard by God), saying, “because I have asked for him from the Lord.”

Hannah was always in the hands of her sovereign God, who determined the status in the process of His own timing.  Hannah cooperated in that she prayed diligently with tears that God would answer.  Could it be a combination of both?  Or could it be that there is no correct formula for getting God to do anything.  I wonder if it is in simple trust.

“You oh Lord are so worthy and You bring all things that I need for life and Godliness.  I am praising You Lord for setting me free from a dark cloud of bitterness in my soul.”

“I have given you My peace, my daughter and I have forgiven and cleansed you, in a moment of all those things that you have been tormented by.  You are free!  Allow Me to change you, to work in You.  So precious are you to Me, my child.  Precious is your prayer to Me and precious is your rest in My arms.  How I have longed to gather you in My arms this way.  You have found your way into My heart. Never doubt My love for you.”

empty hand to open arms ebook (1) for Facebook, etc       www.emptyhandsopenarms.com  and available through Word Alive Press and wherever fine Christian books are sold.

Hopelessness and loss are common companions of infertility.  Paula describes the loss of a child she conceived only in her imagination.  She illuminates her struggle in persuading God to grant her greatest wish.  ISBN:  978-1-4866-1156-0