Hello everyone! Today I begin a much needed break for a couple of weeks. For you my faithful readers, I make a promise to return to my blogging, but for now I have a life to live. I wanted to mention, as I type this on another’S computer, that my own computer died… It’s time for a new one… So for now. I will see you when I return from from vacation…. Enjoy time outside everyone!
How can I really feel fulfilled in my life? How do I fill my life with what I really love and enjoy?
This you tube workshop with Fertility Planit discusses child free living and the process of embracing this decision that is for some… touched a chord in me. Enjoy.
Living Child Friendly has given me much to think about. In one way or another I find myself grateful for the extra time, and the freedom to choose. I find that my mind is no longer overcome by fears and what ifs and the when and the hows. I am in the throes of living a quiet contented life. Living in peace of the stresses of pre-adoption or wondering why my body won’t obey the simple command to multiply and replenish the earth is something I had only hoped for in the past.
This was certainly the time to put all that behind me as I turned 50 this year. The pain of being called a Grandma when I held the hand of my two-year old charge, or waiting and waiting for yet another delay in the adoption process, are almost forgotten. I almost wonder if I will forget.
As I am finding new peace in this surrender, I am finding my God. He is my greatest Friend. In this process another question rises to the surface of my soul.
Who am I now?
In the past, I was infertile. Since I am not attempting to conceive, does this condition stick? I was also pre-adoptive. Since I am not attempting to adopt, who is this person emerging?
I can live, and I can love, but I am not defined. I can be whom God is creating me to be and the latter half of my life is full of the potential of anything.
A new identity? Child Friendly? This describes my outlook and my way of reaching out from the inside of who I am.
Who am I? I am His. The great God-Jehovah holds my hand.
Freedom and resolution to infertility comes in a number of ways. The obvious is that a child becomes your very own through conception. A wonderful gift and one that should be sought after with every effort. Adoption, again another way to start a family that some parents choose. It is not for everyone, but for those it fits, it is a wonderful blessing as well. I did not know there was a third option. I did not understand that for some living child-free could be fulfilling and a joy filled journey. For some this is the third resolution.
I am constantly aware of how I feel when I find that I do not have the pressure of trying to come up with my own child, by my own efforts. Since I have made this decision to discontinue our adoption process I have been intrigued by the various terminology out there to describe couples without children.
Some couples that to some degree are still grieving their loss that infertility brings and having exhausted their efforts have decided that they are childless. This term has always saddened me because it implies permanent loss. I don’t believe it has to be that way.
Other couples have come to this place of giving up on all the pain of infertility and its medical process and have decided that they are child free. Although this does imply a certain freedom, I have always felt a bit uncomfortable with this label as it implies that children are no longer a part of life and almost a group to be disliked.
I have found a better word to describe this journey that I am on and that is living child friendly.
You see right from when I was a very small child, I always felt that I wanted to be a Mommy. I played that way and talked that way right up until my diagnosis with infertility. Discovering your infertility when you are single is a double whammy! You cannot discover or do anything about either. One thing was very clear. I had a very prolific sibling group. This meant that beloved nieces and nephews were everywhere, and I loved them.
Children became part of my daily existence. So much so that I chose Early Childhood Education as a career. I always had thought I’d have my own one day… well that’s another story.
Children always will be important to me. The concept of living child free implied that I would have no children in my life. As this was not the desire, I feel that a better fit is to live child-friendly. Semantics? Maybe, but for me it fits.
My husband and I warmly accept children into our home and we are celebrating Senior Kindergarten, Birthdays and Christmas parties with them. A small gift, a shared activity or a small cake to celebrate their achievements are a joy to us as well. We love to see their faces light up when we can share a part of their lives.
There is no big punch line or wonderful end to this choice. It is a special part of our lives. I am sure one day I can find a place where these relationships bloom and blossom into lifetime joys, but I am not responsible for that. I will walk and bless the next child in front of me. Whomever it may be: a neighbor’s boy, a great niece, a child at church or the little girl who stares at me in Wal-Mart, I am living content. I am the “other mother” to many. For this I am grateful.
I have chosen a reprint of an article I read recently about the myths around child-free living.
NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week) through RESOLVE.org is an organization dedicated to assisting individuals and couples cope with the devastation of infertility and assist with providing information when their quest goes to a specialist in trying to conceive. As an American organization, they strive to enhance understanding to everyone that infertility is a condition that needs and deserves attention and to educate the public on its impact to people in this state.
Click on this link below for an incredible article:
My laptop died today! I can’t believe it. I was so prepared in every way to sit and conjure many thoughts to put to keyboard. I even had a quirky idea.
I found a cold bottle of water and a peach yogurt for physical sustenance. I opened the window for fresh inspiration, and seated myself. I pressed the little power button.
That power button is my transportation from one realm to the next. I can flee from the here and now, into the future hopes of life, or into the saddest parts of the past. I can leap from thought to thought without any plan of an end.
Today I pushed the power button and heard that familiar ‘whoosh’ of the power and all things coming alive, only to be followed by an irritating ‘mneep’.
I tried again.
I tried to push again with illogical hope that this time I would succeed. I found myself hoping and yearning for the lap top to make it. I doubled my efforts at electronic CPR, one, one thousand, two one thousand…
I could not go on. The loss of my laptop is such a sad situation indeed. I closed the lid and slid it into its carrying case, much like a body laid to rest until its hopeful resurrection by a trained technician. If only it would speak to me again.
So today I am lamenting the denial of access of the free world of my imagination with the gentle blinking of the cursor line and the pitter-patter of keystrokes like a refreshing summer rain.
I remember that this blinking cursor is an invitation to begin, a loving whisper from my laptop that it is now time. Each thought is important as it is committed to the page. All has value when written in a logical order.
The ‘save’ button subliminally encourages the next step of committal. I pause before solidifying my thoughts and press ‘save’ to forever cause them to be relieved from a future in the recycle bin.
My laptop, so kind to me at this point, understands I am human and it is not. Yet my laptop is forgiving and has once again given to me a way out. The edit button, an eternal icon for second chances of a lifetime of mistakes, is a chance to pursue perfection.
The final goal, the final destination: “Publish.”
My lap top is always ready without nagging or relentlessly pushing, however, not today.
“Wait!” I whisper aloud. A round slender, blue object fits perfectly in a tri-fingered grip. My pen beckons me as it’s coach to let it play. I slowly pick it up, scribble an ink test and I begin.
My laptop died today…