Please accept this letter as submission to your complaint department. I am filing a formal complaint as it is in the sincere hope that you will leave me in peace at times.
Ever since I made the decision to employ you in my life, I have sensed your constant presence. You continue to urge me to use you as a guide for my behaviour. Although this was in our contractual agreement, I believed that you would cut me some slack. As I have made small changes in my lifestyle, for instance being fully truthful on my yearly taxes, I would like to bring to your attention some areas that I’d like to refer to as grey.
Last week I had just finished a wonderful visit with a very dear friend, it was the middle of the night and traffic had slowed to almost none. Well, I really needed to get home for some beauty rest as the day begins early. I paused just before and made that quick decision to drive on through the intersection. Yes I know the light was red but there was no one around! Did you have to whisper in my ear that integrity is doing right when no one is watching? I felt guilty all the way home, was that necessary?
Then the other day while shopping in Walmart, I had just purchased some new summer sandals. You know they were the kind that have the Velcro in the back. Well, when I went through the checkout, the clerk gave me my change from two twenty dollar bills and I saw she’d given me $10.00 too much in change. Oops! I didn’t realize it until I got into my car and attempted to put the money away. I had to walk all the way back to Walmart from my car and give the money back, because you kept screaming at me that I needed to do what was right. Sigh. The clerk was really happy I did that and I suppose it did feel kind of good. I’m still ticked at you though.
Okay, so today was the final deal! I was parked in the Laundromat. I always park in the second spot near the door. I usually go in the evening when there is no one else there. So how was I to know that someone would pull into the parking spot three seconds after me? I opened the door. Wham! My door smashed into his door leaving a small dent in the side. He must have been in a hurry because he was gone when I looked to see if I was seen. Oh man! I felt so bad. I thought maybe I could drive to another parking spot, but no, you had to start yapping in my ear again. You kept repeating yourself too! “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” You said. Did you have to say it in old English?
So dear Integrity, I love what you stand for, but I didn’t realize I would actually HAVE to change. If I am to abide by your stringent guidelines, I will have to re-evaluate what complete honesty means. I would appreciate some space while I make this calculation.