Raining on a Sunny Day


Gazing out my window, I am shocked to see an amazing site… a torrential downpour has invaded my lovely day.  Earlier today little J and I were enjoying a peaceful sunny day 25 degrees Celsius, slight breeze with many chirping happy birds all around.  Within just a few hours, the clouds rolled in, the sky grew dark and the rain came, hard, straight down with thunder.  The sun was gone, the birds silent and the storm raged.

Infertility can be like that too.  The sun shines.  You have found your soul mate.  Marriage is the next logical step.  All is well.  The birds chirp sweetly around your head.  Your love is warm and only small breeze of a problem or two come to challenge your almost perfect life.  No problem.  These are the minor things you expect in a marriage.  You are eager and prepared to share your love with one, two maybe three little people who share your DNA.

After six months you begin to wonder and after a year you decided to try various methods for pregnancy.  You tell yourself it’s probably timing or stress.  The first year of marriage can be filled with a lot of adjusting. The clouds are rolling in.  Now at 18 months you are really concerned.  Doctor appointments and tests follow, even a specialist is called in for assessment.  The sky is growing dark and the birds have ceased their happy song.

Then the words that you have been too fearful to voice, “You cannot conceive.  You are infertile.”    The storm is ranging.

Photo Courtesy of Bing Images

Photo Courtesy of Bing Images

I can remember I first heard those words as an unsuspecting 19 year old.  I was unmarried and visiting my new Doctor for a throat infection.  In one moment of waiting for a prescription to be written, she eyed me and blurted, “Oh I guess you know with this condition of the pituitary you cannot have kids.  I guess you knew that.”

“No I didn’t know that,” I responded.  I was sort of dumfounded.  If there was a course for my Doctor to have taken called, ‘How to tell a patient she is infertile, ‘my Doctor had missed that class.  I’m not certain what I felt as this news was just dropped into my lap.  Those of you that have had this experience remember hearing those first words of diagnosis.

The pituitary condition she was referring to was called, HYPOPITUITARISM, a rather rare circumstance where the pituitary cannot make the hormones necessary for the body.  In my case all of the reproductive hormones were non productive.  In addition, I was lacking the hormone needed for growth.    I had just completed five years of Growth Hormone Replacement Therapy.   I was looking forward to leaving my teen years to enjoy my life without medical issues.  As time would tell it was not to be.   The storm had begun.  To be continued…


4 thoughts on “Raining on a Sunny Day

  1. Your title reminds me in a converse way that we can always have “Son-shine” on our rainy days. Keep letting your light shine Paula, you are a blessing!


  2. Paula you writing from your heart is so wonderful. I wish I could say I am shocked at how a doctor told you – but I am not. I love how you take everyday things – like a storm rolling in and use it as a allegory. You do Parables just like Jesus did!!
    You are always in my prayers.


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