First Steps Forward


Photo Courtesy of Bing Images


At this very moment, whatever you have done in the past 60 seconds is past.  You cannot go back to the beginning.  You cannot somehow say, “Wait a sec, I want a redo.”  It’s over… those sixty seconds are gone, never to return.

Does this sounds kind of glum?   It doesn’t have to be.  Although I have found myself recounting the past a lot lately.  I have been looking at what I could have done, should have done, would have done… if this or that.   The truth is I feel the pain of regret in this journey of infertility and adoption pursuits.  I have looked at the past years of my marriage and realized that I haven’t spent one moment just “being”.  I have been so consumed with trying to make a family that I didn’t just live life.

I am also looking at the future.  I am thinking that there will be a large empty place where I cannot love, comfort, guide, and parent another little person that was wonderfully “ours”.  I am wondering what it would look like and how the end will be without anyone to be there for us, make decisions for our elder care or hold our hands as we slip into eternity.  There is a certain rawness in emotion in knowing that we have let go of our own plans.  Those plans were for a younger version of ourselves with more resources.  Yes I am sad.  I am experiencing a sadness that has me retreating and coming up for air, enough to focus on work, and our home and our church.  I am holding it all at bay for now, although at times I weep for what could have been.  I am concentrating on smiling for and with others, because my friendships are important.  We are all going through something, are we not?

Yet there is hope for today, for the now.  I am redefining the word “Mother”.  Actually I am discovering what the Bible has to say about the definition of Mother in the way that the authors, (read AUTHOR/GOD) have used this word.  I had always assumed that the definition of ‘Mother’ was only defined as one having given birth to a son or a daughter, and with a bit of stretch defined in terms of legal adoption to become ‘Mother’.

As an uniquely inquisitive person, I love to research.  The thought occurred to me to hunt out the word, “Mother” in terms of it’s Greek or Hebrew origin.  So I headed straight for the Strong’s Concordance.  I was so shocked to find that “Mother” in the original Hebrew (517) meant ’em a primitive word: a mother (as in the bond of the family) in a wide sense (both literally and figuratively).  This is an Old Testament translation.  In the New Testament the Greek word (3384) meter, meaning the same thing.  Reeling with the possibilities that what many have said to be in the effort to comfort may be true I searched in Vine’s Expository Dictionary of the Bible.  Is it possible that God had already answered my prayer to be a mother, by His definition.  In Vine’s,  the word Mother is defined this way:  a) of the natural relationship and b) figuratively of ‘one who takes the place of a mother.’ 

Jesus referred to this open definition in

Mark 3:34, 35 KJV

 And he looked round about on them which sat about him, and said, Behold my mother a my brothers.  For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother.

I am not a Bible Scholar and do not claim to be a teacher, however by this definition, anyone who nurtures, teaches, and trains a child has already experienced Motherhood.  Someone once told me that although I have never given birth to a child, I have a ‘mothers heart’.    Seeing that God thinks so too gives me much hope.

This Bible verse is one of my favourite’s:

Psalm 133:9 KJV

He maketh the barren woman to keep house and to be the joyful mother of children.  Praise the Lord.

That word ‘mother’ is 3384… of natural relationship and ‘one who takes the place of a mother’.  As I write this, I write it in faith, in the hopes that I can get to this place of peace.  I have not arrived as of yet.  However, with this hope I can take a breath, breathe, grieve the past, deal with the here and now and once again trust God to take care of me my whole life through.  Anyone who has nurtured a child through providing Child Care, hugged a niece or a nephew, gave guidance as a coach or has given love for any child qualifies.  He cares for me and He cares for you, my friend.  It doesn’t change the baby cravings in our heart.  That is simply part of being a human female.  God wants to bring fresh hope to aching hearts and fresh encouragement to those who find it hard to face another day.  You and I will make it, He has given us great peace.


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