Another Childless Mother’s Day

KMagnacca_mothersday

 

Mother’s Day is just about here and I’m already thinking about it… What exactly do I think about in times like these?  I am knowing this… at my age I know I’ve missed the opportunity to have my own child in the physical sense.  Part of me knows that I no longer need to be pregnant…but another part of me is like that little kid who wants to cry out “Pick me!, pick me!”  I do long to give my love to a child.  I want to be a Mother too!  It’s not that I am jealous or angry, I’ve long worked past that.  It’s just that I want to share the joys and frustrations of parenting and I’m sad to have to wait so long for our adopted child to come. In times past I’ve wanted to hide.  Just stay in bed, pretend it’s just another day.  Go about sorting laundry or restocking my bookshelf, something meaningless.  I want to stay home…  but even in that quiet isolation, I realize I’m not having much fun. This year I am planning to be other’s focused and attempt to make this Mother’s day about the Mother’s in my life.

First of all my own.  Although my own Mother is far away… across the miles, I am planning on having a long chat with her and just enjoying her for those moments that I still can.  This day is about her, it is not about me! Then the Mother’s all around me who show me why I want kids in the first place.

Secondly, I will be at church and enjoy the people who have become like a second family to me.  I will enjoy watching them be blessed as they receive special prayer for what they do day in and day out.    I will pray for them too and pray for every precious gift that was given to them… on this Mother’s Day I will sow (maybe in tears) for the gift that is certain to come for me.  It’s OK if I have a good cry, God understands the longings of my heart.

Thirdly, I will remember that I am not damaged goods.  I will remember that infertility is what is happening to my body, but it is not who I am.  I am the “precious Daughter of our Heavenly Father”  All my peace comes from Him.

Fourthly, I will pray for all my sisters known and unknown who on this day especially feel the heartbreak of another childless Mother’s Day.  I pray that they will come to know our Heavenly Dad, who comforts and saves. Would you join me?

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